I would call the following a spoiler alert if it wasn’t the only selling point of the video: A bird shits on Shirley.

Sometimes when I’m typing her name I accidentally type “Shitley”, as I’m sure many of you have done. Is this some sort of self-fulfilling prophecy? Is this evidence of The Secret being practiced? Was I careful for what I wished for?

Whatever the answer, I’m very glad for it.

Of course after 288 views* of our video, we had to take a look at the video statistics before the video’s momentum really took off because big data is the future, or whatever.

*288 is measly in YouTube terms and virtually non-existent on the world wide webz but significant for us small fries who had up to this point only posted to our respective Facebook pages, which meant 288 actual(!!) people had watched our video, or at the very least, clicked play for some indeterminate amount of time before pressing CTRL + Q out of unbearable tedium upon realizing that the video is essentially us laughing at each other for reasons no one besides us or those who know us would find funny (harsh and unlikely scenario though).

Furthermore, 288 is the unadjusted and unaudited (lol) figure used for the purposes of this analysis and for the sake of protecting our fragile egos. The more accurate number is:

288 views – 17 times (approximate) Shirley and I re-watched the videos and lolled x 2 of us = 254.

I’m not sure if this adjustment for “double counting” is even the right word given how many times we’ve re-watched it.

We had up until this point posted only to our respective Facebook pages which yields a potential reach of 1354 + 1100 – 137 mutual friends = 266 actual people who viewed our videos / 2317 unique friends = oh my god 10.96%? Only? That’s actually pretty bad?? There must be a Flaw in Facebook’s algorithm because the content that everyone wants to see (though most would fail to admit it) is not showing up on newsfeeds. And to think it’s 2016!!!

Forgive me for digressing but the point is that we noticed a peak in viewership starting at 3 minutes 8 seconds…


…which is when you know what happened.

Please view in HD with subtitles due to some muffled speech:

We’re sorry.